So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
