last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
