I cockslap morals
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
