On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
