Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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