After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
