I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
