How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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