I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
