Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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