and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
