It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
