what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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