Don't EVER smell your tampon
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
