Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
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I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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