these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
