You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
