That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
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At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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