literally had 100 drinks last night.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
