I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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