Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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