I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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