theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
