You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
