Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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