I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
