The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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