I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Even my vagina gasped.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
