Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
