You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
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E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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