im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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