my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
