Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
