sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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