just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
