We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
