Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
