woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
