so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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