While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
