can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
