she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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