At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
