watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
