there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
