You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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