are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
