I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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