is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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