No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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