so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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