TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
