I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
