thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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