guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
