i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize