I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
