It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
