If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
