If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Michael Bay diarrhea
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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