my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
