How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
