happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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